It’s OK to not be perfect. I tell myself this every day. I’ve been repeating this for the past 2 weeks because when I started writing my blog in April, I had promised myself to publish a blog weekly on Thursdays. I’d played with publishing on a Friday or even a Saturday but in November I skipped two weeks! My inner dialogue went something like this:
True Self: “It’s OK.”
Perfectionist Self: “We’ve broken our perfect cadence!”
True Self: “What does it really matter? Who cares?”
Perfectionist Self: “Well, I do!”
True Self: “Why? Whatever for?”
Perfectionist Self: “I dunno … umm .. ahhh …” trails off
There really is no reason to be upset. My biggest hurdle is that I tend to be a perfectionist. A skill such as “strive for excellence” if overused or misused can turn into something that trips you up. We can overcome these hurdles so that they do not affect our daily lives. Or, we can learn to manage the really strong ones like I do with my perfectionist. A few other hurdles I’ve seen include:
- The Hyper-Rational: Think Dr Spock from Star Trek or Dr Sheldon Cooper from Big Ban Theory; seeing the world through a logical lens and not through an emotional lens
- The Pleaser: Putting your own happiness at risk to help others; This is a form of extreme kindness.
- The Hyper-Achiever: A person who always aims to achieve an endless list of goals.
What helps us when we keep tripping over these hurdles is self-compassion. What is good enough for now? Here is an illustration for the Pleaser:
Positive Psychology defines self-compassion as relating “to yourself in a way that’s forgiving, accepting, and loving when situations might be less than optimal.” Self-compassion is the cornerstone of well-being. Cultivating it can combat anxiety, depression, shame, and fear of failure.
Our circumstances determine where we want to be on the above diagram at any given time. Life can sometimes feel like a balancing act during hectic times, which is when self-compassion can be helpful.
What is off the charts in your life? How will you support your inner dialogue to be kind, supportive, and compassionate?
Copyright © 2023 Devashri Gupta. All rights reserved.
References and further reading:
Positive Psychology, “How to practice self-compassion”
Dr. Kristin Neff’s Self-Compassion website has many resources. Dr. Neff created the self-compassion scales and is credited with conducting the first academic studies into self-compassion.
